It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
