I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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