do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
