it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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