It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your penis caused this!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
