It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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