I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
