You're my little dorito
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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