I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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