we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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