i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
