Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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