He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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