Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
tell me about the eggs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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