So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
