only if we run a train.
done.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
