So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
