Don't you send me to vm
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
