I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
