True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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