I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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