The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
