We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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