just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
