i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
