We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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