sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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