Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
