This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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