So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
