She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
