i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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