Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
