I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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