I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
