apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
