I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So much rum. So many feels.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
