we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
