How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
