Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
