remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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