Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
