I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
