Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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