dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
