I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
