My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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