i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
