she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
