I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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