We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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