This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
