i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
