I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
