Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
