Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
